This week our children received reconciliation. In preparation, Father Leo came into the classroom to teach the sacrament, and to jump start the process of self-reflection. By leaps and bounds, what the kids really latched onto was the fact that the priest cannot under any circumstance break the confidentiality of confession. In a society currently obsessed with transparency, this is unusual. This was also by far the record breaking session of “what if” scenarios.
They were absolutely fascinated by this ultimate example of secret keeping; who wouldn’t be? But what about it is so fascinating?
One of my favorite books growing up was The Secret Garden, the story of a girl who finds a garden--walled in, overgrown, forgotten--and tends it into her own special place. She sees herself in the brokenness, nurtures it the way she herself needed to be nurtured, and she finds that it in turn gives her life. Who doesn’t dream of such a place? The most appealing part is that it belongs only to her. That it is secret.
The idea of keeping secrets is something we oftentimes consciously push our children to avoid. Secrets can be hurtful, humiliating, anxiety-provoking, even dangerous. These are all true. But is there space for the positive? For the Garden-variety? (please excuse the pun) Carl Jung believed that keeping secrets is integral to individuation, that it offers the feeling of possessing something and keeping it safe. This would propose that keeping secrets is important to development. It evolves inner awareness and autonomy, creates space for imagination.
I think that the only thing that feels safer than keeping a secret, is letting one go, especially to let it go to a person that absolutely cannot reveal it. Our kids keep secrets; that’s just a fact. They broke something, they were mean to someone, they got a bad grade, they have a new crush. Our kids are also terrible at keeping secrets. They gossiped, they got caught in a lie, they have a weak poker face. What reconciliation offers is an opportunity to own these actions, own their consequences and the emotions they bring.
It’s no surprise that as soon as they’ve completed the sacrament they are visibly lighter. Keeping those secrets, then sharing them, is a practice of finding safety in oneself, and then finding safety in another, and in the Church. It’s a beautiful and important thing to do.
-Signing off, Schoolyard Eagle Eye