It’s so easy to see when you are looking backwards. When your kids are grown and shaving and paying taxes and done with cleats. The pull on a chilly, fall, Saturday morning towards the soccer field remains, but your reason for being there is playing in an adult league with co-workers. And parents are not encouraged to attend. Walking by a basketball court to the echos of shoe squeaks ignites a visceral pain of nostalgia for the days when a 5 game weekend was commonplace. It still feels like I should be able to walk into that gym and see him at his craft - working hard, laughing, agonizing. But, I’m more likely to be invited to join him for a beer somewhere than I am to ever see him hoop again.
As we kick off the CYO seasons, I wish I was omnipotent. I wish I could convince every single parent walking into every single gym of the power in one simple phrase. The reason sports are special, the reason they matter at all, has nothing to do with achievement. Has even less to do with their future as athletes. It doesn’t matter if they win or lose. It doesn’t matter at all if it is the worst referee that has ever whistled a call. There is nothing less important than comparing playing time. All of these seemingly important details are actually nothing more than opportunities to teach your kids some values.
Not every day is a win.
Work hard for your goals, but never stop having fun.
Champions never blame others for the outcome.
The worst ref is still a person and we all have bad days at work.
Not everything is fair, but you get to decide how you handle disappointment.
The value of sports as an activity isn’t about building little scholarship robots. Look at the statistics about youth sports and the percentages of kids who play varsity let alone beyond. Odds are, your kid won’t. But, that shouldn’t matter at all. Any activity that provides your family with the chance to talk about hard work, disappointment, fairness, forgiveness is well worth the time. The data is in on kids and sports. They quit and it’s not due to bad coaching and unfair playing time. It’s much more about enjoyment and self-perception. We, as parents, have all the power to help them with those two critical factors.
If the expectation is to enjoy themselves, the desire to be involved and build skills comes naturally. And as far as the way they see themselves as athletes, they are looking at us. Don’t give them any room for doubt. Instead of congratulating them on their excellent play, just say you love watching them play. Instead of reminding them, helpfully, to keep the elbow up on their free throw, tell them, with your whole heart, I love watching you play.
When you are tempted to say anything other than that, remember that a time will come when all the games are over. And, all you will think is...man, I loved watching you play.